By Abdul Savage
DISCLAIMER: This piece is a SATIRE, a FICTION. It is not to be construed in any other way, shape or form, but purely as a SATIRE. A Colleague once told me to sometimes inject humor in this “so-called struggle”, and as such, his statement was the inspiration behind this piece. This Article was written by me well over 2 years ago, BUT has never been published till now. This piece is written in the form of a speech, given by the great, great, great grandson of JK, marking the anniversary of July 22, 250 years later. Enjoy the laughter.
This is an excerpted speech, given at the Independence Stadium, on July 22, 2244, marking the 250 years anniversary of The New Gambia. I was there, and I will publish the rest of the speech with time. This speech was given by Ousman A.J.J. Kanilai, the Fourth, then King of the Islamic Republic of the Kingdom of The Gambia.
Here is the speech given by Ousma A.J.J. Kanilai the Fourth, then King of The Kingdom of The Gambia on July 22, 2244, translated from Arabic:
“My fellow citizens, as we celebrate this great moment in our history, the Revolutionary Coup of July 22, let’s take a moment and remember my great, great, great grandfather, Jallow Kanilai (JK), our founding father who, two hundred and fifty years ago, started the revolution, founded our Kingdom, and started the reorientation and reconstruction process that have made us what we are today.
“Our JK, my great, great, great grandfather was a sick man, and we must continue to pay tribute to him, and continue to teach our children what a disturbed leader he was, and the great things he wished he had done for our country. During the first nineteen years of the 55 years of our JK’s rule, people saw an unprecedented inflow and outflow of cabinet secretaries, the detaining and killing of people, shameful trials, and many other abuses of power and atrocities beyond imagination. But all this was later stabilized and our entire cabinet became the most stable in the world, with life-long serving members.
“There was also an initial clampdown on the media and the opposition to the point where they got the message, and later became self-censored. Many had to be silenced; one way or the other, but today, we enjoy and despise the fruits of that labor.
“Also, in addition to silencing thousands, thousands more were sent to what he used to call his “Five-Star Hotel”. And we remember how our JK made our opposition leaders so timid and scared of him, so much that elections were just a sham.
“We remember: in addition to making opposition parties to become mere pony shows, we know how he disbanded and crushed the so-called diaspora and other rebellious movements that were all over here at home, in America, the United Kingdom, and many other countries.
“Remember how we sent mercenaries to silence and caused disappearances of people overseas. My fellow Citizens don’t we remember how we crushed an entity in the so-called struggle that claimed to be a “political organization” but with a “security component” when they tried to become the 8th wonder of the world? Don’t we remember how this entity used money donated under “gofundme” to buy warships and submarines that they docked at Fajara beach, and to buy their air tickets and other arsenals of weapons? But what happened to them, my Fellow Citizens?
“And gradually, as our JK’s vision developed, our Homeland started a transformation. And so, my fellow citizens, allow me to hint, talk a little about this transformation and where it is now, and where we intend to take it.
“Today, thanks to the process our founding father, Jallow Kanilai (JK), started, we now have the best railway system in the region, in fact, in the whole world. Our supersonic trains shuttle between Basse and Banjul every fifteen minutes, and they take two minutes to make a one-way trip.
“We now have the tallest skyscrapers in the world. When we made public four years ago our plans to transform our National Assembly building in Banjul into a 250-storey building in the heart of Banjul, many thought this was a challenge we would never achieve. But my fellow citizens, that is history now; we now have the tallest buildings in the world, including our National Assembly.
“Our economy has been growing at 98 percent over the past generation. We have made unemployment a history, today, no Gambian is unemployed.
“We even have entire cities built above the skylines of Bakau and Serrekunda. And we have turned Fajara Beach into the busiest port of call in the world, where ships come and unload containers of cargo that are later shipped across the world.
“Don’t you marvel at the display of lights by our submarines at Denton Bridge right before you enter Banjul, the City of Lights?
“When our founding father, Jallow Kanilai (JK), started his medical transformation many thought he was a lunatic, and really sick himself. But look at us today; thanks to our JK we have now eradicated almost all major diseases known to man, including HIV/AIDS, diabetes, cancer, and many more.
“We boast the best medical facilities in the world. As a matter of fact, a recent study by the WHO (World Health Organization) claims that by the end of this century, the average lifespan of Gambians will be 210 years, thanks to our medical advances and access to the best care in the world, pioneered by our Jallow Kanilai, our founding father. Our JK was given the gift of cure, and he brainwashed some people with his sick and disturbing knowledge, generations to come. He showcased his “marabout” abilities, and further showcased his “meet-the-people” tours more than Hollywood would ever do with all their Golden Globe and Grammy Award shows combined. But all these were just a small part of the countless maneuvers our JK gave us.
“My fellow citizens, today Gambians enjoy a lifestyle better than any other nation in the history of mankind. Our Great Nation has all the luxuries life can afford. Every Gambian household owns a Ferrari, and a fleet of Humvees, others even have private helicopters in their backyards. Our children now study poverty as a chapter in their history class. As you know, GASA (Gambia Aeronautics and Space Agency) is expecting to take the first batch of Gambian settlers to Jupiter, one of our newest celestial planets we just conquered. My fellow citizens, we are now a superpower beyond belief, beyond anyone’s imagination.
“Isn’t our currency, the Dalasi, the strongest in the world? Yes, my fellow citizens, it is. Couple hundred years ago, forty Dalasis will give you one pound, or twenty nine Dalasis to a dollar. Now, one Dalasi will give you one hundred and fifty British Pounds, while two hundred and fifty dollars will get you ONLY one Dalasi.
“I am proud of this Great Nation of ours, my fellow citizens. We were instrumental in disbanding the wasteful and inefficient United Nations, and replacing it with the now more effective, robust and responsive OUC (Organization of United Countries), with its headquarters right here in our capital city, Banjul, the City of Lights.
“My fellow citizens we all remember how instrumental we, our Kanilai Foundation for Justice and Peace, were in restoring stability and bringing peace in volatile areas of the world. We remember how we brought peace and stability to wars fought when Russia wanted back Alaska from the United States, when Mexico wanted California and Texas back, when the newly independent states of Nigeria were annexed by Benin and Togo. We remember how we sent our Great Troops to the states of Maryland, Virginia and North Carolina to restore civil order during the heights of civil unrest in these states when the then president of the United States, George Saddam Hussein Obama was assassinated in Maryland.
“My fellow citizens, we must now look forward to even greater strides, and challenges. Our BEST DAYS are yet to come. But as we look forward, let’s not forget how we got here…”
By Abdul Savage
Retired, US Army
Honorary Judge, State of Texas
Member, Military Order of the Purple Heart
Member, Veterans of Foreign Wars.